Going my own way

Chances are you have a navigation system of some kind in your life. Maybe you have one built into your car, maybe you have one you plug in or maybe you do what I do and use your phone.

Here’s my question: Do you trust it?

Last week I was using my navigation system to lead me to a new dog grooming salon. I had a general idea of where I was going, but I wanted to be sure I didn’t get lost so I typed in the address and set off. Once I got out of my neighborhood I took the first turn as directed, but at the first stop sign well… let’s just say I wanted to be sure that the guide would take me where I thought I was going, so I tapped the icon that allows me to see the whole route spelled out, just to be sure the guide was sending me the direction I thought I was supposed to go. As I was getting closer to where I thought I was going I thought the guide was wrong in telling me to turn right when I thought I should go straight, so I ignored it. Finally, because I was paying more attention to looking around to be sure I could figure out where I was going I stopped paying attention to the guide and missed a turn.

Frustrated, I turned around and got back on course. That’s when God let me have it.

“You do that with me too…”

What?!? Do what with you?

“You have accepted my Son and invited me to be the leader of your life, yet you continually try to take over. You take turns that weren’t part of my plan, get distracted from where I want you to go, and run around trying to figure it all out. You SAY you want me to lead you, but you are always trying to go your own way.”

I had made the choice to use that navigation system to get me where I wanted to go, yet I didn’t trust it to get me there. Similarly, I had made the decision to accept that Jesus is who He says he is and gave over the leadership of the life I had been given to Him, yet I still struggle with trusting Him…

• I believe Him, but I don’t always trust how He leads.
• I want the whole picture (like tapping that icon) instead of just resting in the step I am on so I create a plan beyond it.
• I want everything to fit neatly into my view of how things should look.
• I often go off on my own, choosing for myself how to do what He asks me to do without waiting on His direction.
• I miss His turns because I am too busy paying attention to everything else BUT Him.

Going my own way has often worn me out, added the burden of more responsibility that I wasn’t meant to have, and has chained me to my own expectations (and other’s) instead of living in freedom to experience the step I am on to its fullest potential. Yet, I still hold out, not fully trusting His leadership–His navigation plan for my life.

Sometimes I wonder when I will get His Truth cemented in my heart deep enough that I will live continually trusting Him over myself. How many wrong turns will it take? How many self-guided misadventures will have to happen before I trust Him with all that I am?

As the director of a ministry, this whole self-guided direction business is downright dangerous. This calling is not mine to dictate—I am merely the vessel God chose to use. Like clay cannot tell the potter how it should be molded, so too is it true that I cannot seek to create the ministry God has given me; I can only allow God to mold me into it.

You turn things upside down,
    as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it,
    “He did not make me”?
Can the pot say of the potter,
    “He knows nothing”? (Isaiah 29:16)

“Yet, O Lord, you are our Father.We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8)

Thankfully, that day God covered me with His grace…filling me with a Holy conviction that while I had messed up yet again He would still guide me forward from here if I would allow Him to. Repentance washed over me, followed by a hope that this change can be done. I can learn to allow God deeper into my heart and grow to trust Him completely.

Here’s my plan:

1. Examine my motives daily. Daily ask myself “Am I seeking to live for God in this decision or myself and others?”
2. Act on God’s impulse, not my plan. God often doesn’t give a detailed to-do list, just one thing at a time. Am I focusing on that one thing?
3. Get accountability. I have an accountability partner who will hold me to God’s truth in my personal life, but I don’t yet have one specific to ministry work. That will change.

Challenge: I am hoping that I am not the only person on this blog that has this type of control issue! If you struggle with this too, and would like to join me in focusing on implementing these action steps, please share your experiences…your “Aha! Moments”  if you will, when you allow God to lead and He shows up. Together we can encourage one another to stop going our own way and learn to completely trust that God’s way IS the right way.

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

PS. Here’s the theme song for this: You Can Have Me. Sidewalk Prophets

October 29, 2012 at 5:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement, Ministry Development | Comments (0)