This is what I wrote after my quiet time this morning:
“I’ve been living worried I won’t be enough instead of trusting Jesus is.”
I am surprised to find this on my heart. When did I start worrying I wasn’t enough? When did I even begin to focus on myself instead of Jesus? But, these are some of the thoughts that I have allowed to flit around in my head lately: Do I post enough blogs? Do enough people know I am out here? Do I tweet often enough? Do enough people see what I post?
When did I start comparing myself so much?
And these: Will I ever be able to say I am done? Will I ever have enough accomplished to be able to just rest?
When did I start living for myself?
“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” (Galatians 5:16)
I have not been living by the Spirit. I have allowed my sinful nature to take over…again. I got lazy. I thought I had “it” all figured out. Somewhere I began to listen to the lie that I didn’t need Jesus to guide me anymore. Ouch.
I. NEED. JESUS.
Father, Why do I revert to my own strength and wear myself out when Your strength is infinite? Why do I revert to my own ideas of how to do things when Your wisdom is unlimited? Why do I revert to fear and doubt when Your perfect love casts out fear? Please forgive my sinfulness. Please, help me to remember that what You have given me is not just something to check off of a list, but something alive to experience.
I am nothing. It is Jesus living in me who is anything. I know this and yet I still make poor choices, allow lies to infect my heart, and still strive to be more. I think this is the beginning of the peeling off of another layer. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” I think for me this is a slow process of removing layer after layer after layer of my sinful nature so I can learn to really see who I am in Christ clearly.
Josh Wilson’s song Fall Apart has been on my mind for the last 24 hours, specifically these words:
God I want to know you more. Maybe this is how it starts…I’ll find you when I fall apart…
Another layer of myself is falling apart. I am humbled to realize it is a pride-filled one, but so grateful God didn’t allow it to stay there.
I’ll share more as I experience more. For now, know that I am spending some time shifting my focus off of me and onto Jesus
I am praying for you (and myself)!
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