A Time of Rest

Do you know something, It’s really hard to “Be still and know…God” (Psalm 46:10) when you are trying to further your own agenda. And, what’s more, when you try to do both at the same time you get…nothing.

Yep, that’s right ladies, N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I have been freaking out that I haven’t posted anything, especially since I haven’t “gotten” anything to share. I have been wondering why God was so silent, what I did wrong, and then deciding I was just going to try anyway, which was met with a lot of wasted time and nothing to show for it.

So, If you have been wondering why I haven’t posted anything new in a while, well, now you know. I have been trying to DO so much…all of it good, but it has become MY plan instead of God’s.

Ouch.

Once I moved past the guilt of, “oh no! really? I did this??” and poured out my confession to God, something amazing happened! Peace in doing nothing. For a girl like me who is always moving through something on her way to something else, that’s a BIG deal!

So, I am choosing to follow the peace and remain quiet for a while. I am confident this will be a time filled with many lessons to share when God deems it’s the right time. In the mean time, I hope you will choose to explore some of the past posts I have written.

My prayer is that you continue to seek God’s peace in your life as well. It’s there. If you’re not feeling it maybe you, like me, need to consider doing nothing for a while too.

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

May 5, 2012 at 12:00 pm | Daily Cup of Encouragement | Comments (0)

Life’s Lessons from God: Finally Willing to Listen

Today I would like to introduce you to Janine Dalva. Her testimony of faith is AMAZING! I hope you enjoy her journey towards God as much as I did!

Tell me a bit about yourself. Include things about your family, what you do with your days/time, and any titles or associations you are a part of.

I am a wife, a mom to 2 kids that I adore, I work part-time, stay active physically (I run, and play tennis), have 2 dogs and also foster rescue puppies. I like to do yard work, I don’t like to cook or clean, but I love to eat. I do not love my“fat”days, I like to take naps, and wish I had a knack for decorating.

If there was one thing you wanted other women to know about God, what would it be?

That God is the answer! Whatever questions you have, whatever doubts you have, whatever wants you have, whatever struggles you have, God has you covered. It is never too late in your life to begin believing.
Also, there are no coincidences. God is constantly working in your life whether you are aware of it or not. Before I believed, I called it fate and somehow thought I had something to do with it when things just seemed to fall in place. Now, I look to the heavens above in complete thankfulness and know that God has a hand in everything I do.

Why do you want them to know this? What life experience led you to know this?

I heard Stephanie speak at a one day “Rejoice” retreat last June. Afterwards I purchased the Cultivating Peace book…little did I know how that would change my life…

First, some background. I was raised Catholic, my husband Presbyterian. We moved to Mt. Pleasant 9 years ago and joined a Presbyterian church. We were trying to be good parents and get our kids (then 9 and 4) involved in church, but it didn’t work. They didn’t like going to their Sunday school program and they certainly didn’t like going to church with us. We stopped going.

Fast forward 6 years to when our daughter was a sophomore in high school. She started going to a different church youth group with some of her friends and loved it. I her junior year she started going on retreats with the church and becoming more active. Meanwhile, I try to attend services at this church, but am put off by the contemporary praise music, and occasional raised hands from the congregation (remember, I was more conservative). Instead I buy myself “The Book of Wisdom”, a daily year-long devotional that included short messages I could relate to. I feel good, but it is hard to maintain that feeling.

My daughter’s senior year comes. Now, my son who was in middle school starts attending the middle school youth group at the same church. I see changes in my daughter, AMAZING changes. I want to know, but I don’t know what to ask. The more I search the more my husband and I seem to be growing apart.

Our marriage has always had its ups and downs, but this was different. Why doesn’t he see what I see or feel what I feel? I wonder. I am disheartened.

Summer comes and preparations are underway for our daughter to leave for college in August. I am sick. Sick that my daughter will be leaving and sick that my husband and I seem further apart than ever. We seem to be fighting over everything and not nicely either. I am tired. I want more than this. I am feeling like I want out. Our daughter leaves for school, and we start marital counseling.

About this time, a friend “happened” (there’s that coincidence) to stop by my house to drop something off. She had a minute, I had a minute. A minute turned into an hour. She offers to “teach” me the “Cultivating Peace” class along with another friend of ours. I agree and look forward to our first session. Meanwhile my husband and I look for a different counselor – the first one was pointing fingers and not making either one of us feel any better and in fact, made it seem hopeless. I give thanks that our daughter is not only adjusting, but thriving in college and our son is handling 8th grade with his usual casualness. We must have done something right in order to have such well-adjusted kids.

Weekly Cultivating Peace sessions continue but become private sessions as our other friend dropped out. Another “coincidence.” I begin implementing changes in my relationship with my husband. I start praying, writing in a journal, and going to church (I am now liking the music and the message of my children’s church). More sessions, more changes. My husband and I are not fighting as much. I am more aware of my role as a “submissive” wife – new concept. We stop going to our new counselor as I like the counsel better from my Cultivating Peace time. I feel better, but I am still questioning so much in the classes, not yet able to see what is in front of me.

Sunday, November 13, 2011…I am at church (by myself as usual). They are having baptisms that day. I listen to the message, which was all about what it means to be baptized, and then watch with curiosity at this dunking ritual. Then the pastor offers a spontaneous baptism for anyone in the service who feels “ready”. My mind was trying to say “no”, but my body had other ideas, and I was up front before I knew it. In tears, I repented my sins and accepted Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I felt like everything came together for me in that one moment.

I am so very thankful to Stephanie for offering a starting place for my journey to Jesus and to God for saving my marriage. Sometimes I question why I had to wait until I was 53 to have this, but only God knows the answer to that, and I trust in his timing.

What Bible verse or story speaks most closely the truth about your experience? Why did you choose this story/verse?

This is a hard one for me. I am a new believer and I am just now beginning to learn how valuable the Bible is. You know the saying “All I need to know I learned in kindergarten?” Well, all I need to know is in the Bible! No kidding. There is no situation or problem that the bible does not address or relate to. I have a book called “Jesus Calling” (which I highly recommend) and along with a daily inspiration, it gives a related bible verse or verses. I am learning the Bible through looking up these verses and then typing them, printing them, and pasting them in my book. This helps me not to feel overwhelmed at the thought of “reading” the whole Bible. I have not singled out a particular verse that has helped me – it has all helped me.

I also have a New Believer’s Bible (again, I highly recommend this if you are just starting out). There is a whole section in there (in real words) on marriage. It says things like…to achieve oneness in marriage, you are to “cement together”, “to stick like glue”,“treat your partner with respect” and “keep the friendship and romance alive”. All positive reinforcement for sticking with God as I work through my struggles.

What would you say to another woman who is going through a similar experience to what you write about in question 3?

It is so easy to “give up”. Once you are on that road, it is like you have blinders on and cannot see or hear the truth and goodness that only Jesus can bring you. Negative thoughts just lead to more negative thoughts. You may feel bombarded with justifications about how you are feeling…from counselors, from friends, from yourself…only to take you further down the wrong road. The only justification you need is from God, and he will never lead you down the wrong path. So, please stop, be still, and ask yourself if you are really hearing the one voice that matters, that little voice inside you known to me now as the Holy Spirit, and then follow that advice, that feeling. It will bring you an amazing sense of freedom and calmness to allow Jesus to guide your life.

He is ready, are you willing to listen?

April 20, 2012 at 2:00 am | Life's Lessons From God Series | Comments (0)

Choosing Carefully

I know it’s been a while since we last chatted. I hope you will join me as I check in today!

Here’s the link in case the video doesn’t pop up: Choosing Carefully

Here’s the link to the Life’s Lessons from God series on my blog: Life’s Lessons from God Series

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

April 17, 2012 at 2:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement | Comments (0)

Life’s Lessons From God: Miraculous Grace!

Today I am pleased to introduce you to my friend Anna Marie Hopewell. Anna Marie and I met online through a Women’s Ministry Leaders group and quickly became friends. She is an amazing woman with so much passion to help others. I pray you will be encouraged today by her story…

Hi all! My name is Anna Marie, I am 33 years old and today I want to share with you my story of full redemption in Christ.

I spent 10 long, difficult years (from the ages of 13 – 23) battling eating disorders that wrecked havoc with my body, relationships, and life. I pray that my testimony of overcoming will be a blessing to you and let you know that whatever storm you are passing through; there is HOPE for you.

Jesus has already overcome.

I was a compulsive eater and went on binges that would last days or in some cases, weeks. I was highly critical and judgmental, an overachiever and perfectionist and I was driven by an intense and irrational fear that made me literally eat my emotions pound for pound. As the daughter of Christian parents who are missionaries and in full-time ministry I felt immense shame and guilt and struggled with my faith in God. I also suffered from anxiety and depression, but put on a “happy face” that radiated a confidence, joy, and togetherness, that I never truly possessed. During those years I was caught between wanting to find help and listening to that voice in my head that said I never needed it.

No one ever seemed to suspect that anything was wrong. My family knew that I was overweight, but thought it best to encourage me to be all I could be instead of forcing me to try dieting. Unbeknownst to them, I was already obsessively trying every fad diet that came out. I went through a cycle of bingeing, dieting, exercising, bingeing, dieting, exercising, then simply bingeing – over and over again. But because my weight never really changed, they never knew how bad the situation really was.

At my lowest, I attempted suicide 3 times and when that didn’t work, I resigned myself to thinking I had no choice but to live under this great burden. I hated myself and what I had become, but sought solace in pretending my life was still ‘great.’

Whilst all this chaos was going on, I found studying away from home was hard and brought with it many fresh challenges. There were so many ways that I felt inadequate, where my seemingly quaint Christian up-bringing and morals just didn’t cut it and I found myself trying to conform. I began to lead a double-life. I wanted to be that girl that everyone loved and I wanted to be important, to be seen. I pushed my way through college and university, somehow graduating top of my Media & Journalism classes and told myself I still had everything under control.

I threw myself into a disastrous first relationship with a man 9 years my senior and became sexually active in an attempt to secure his affection. He was the first man to tell me I was beautiful –something I so desperately wanted to hear and believe. When I found out later that he was cheating on me with not one, but two other girls who were both younger than I, I finally reached my breaking point…..

One day in the middle of the night, I fell on my knees beside my bed in desperation. I sobbed out a prayer that I wasn’t sure anyone could hear and I begged God that if He was real, He would forgive me, help me and heal my broken heart. I promised Him I would do anything He wanted, dedicate my life to Him, if He would only show me a way out.

That very night, Jesus walked into my broken life and my healing began….

Since that beautiful day, when Jesus took on flesh, I have been in a long process of recovery and now, after 13 years I can confidently say I have been completely SET FREE of the eating disorders, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts! Hallelujah!

It has not been an easy road. Healing didn’t come all at once for me, but in degrees and in different seasons, unexpectedly. I never had the opportunity to get help through a structured eating disorder program nor could I or my parents afford private care. So it was me, my Bible, and the trusty arms of God! But we did it – God worked with me despite my life as a missionary lacking the geographical stability I needed and He has done an amazing work in me through that time.

First God healed my heart, then my disordered eating behaviours, then my mind and body image followed. I had to eat, sleep, breathe and practically bathe myself in the Word of God. Some days, I fell off the course and needed a helping hand to get back on. Others I felt discouraged, like the journey was taking way too long and wondered whether it was all worth it. But gradually, as I came to believe all that Christ said about me and accept what He did for me on the cross, the anxiety and panic attacks left and the depression completely lifted.

It took awhile before I could face telling my parents the depth, breadth and length of what I’d been through. Of course, they’d begun to see the visible parts of my struggle (obesity) and were aware of my attempts at seeking outside counsel and help, but in order to protect them, I’d always left out the ‘gory details’ of my struggles. It all felt so intimate and the guilt and shame still had me captive, but one day, I found the courage to sit them down and tell them my story; just like I am telling you – and once I did, the last of the chains fell off me and I was finally loose.

This experience changed my whole life, my whole life trajectory, and my relationship with my parents and other 3 siblings were fully healed and restored. I am proud to say they are now my fiercest supporters. Praise God!

I am tearful as I write this to you now because God has so moved and transformed me. That is truly a miracle!

Thanks to His saving grace and His call on my life, I am now working full-time in women’s ministry. I attended Bible College back in 2005 where a new seed of understanding was sown in my heart;

I realized that God hadn’t called me to be perfect.

He wanted to be perfect in me.

I knew from then on that I wanted to spend the rest of my life working with women and young girls, saving them from the clutches of the enemy and reconciling their hearts to Christ.

I’m now an ordained pastor working alongside my parents. Our ministry helps to bring about the full healing and restoration of women from the inside out by sharing the precious message, the gospel of Jesus Christ. We rescue women trapped in domestic violence and sex trafficking and also regularly support communities of women, widows, single mothers and orphans in Africa, India &, Pakistan. We just recently planted a new mission’s base in Scotland.

Today, I am the founder of an initiative within our ministry, launching in November 2012, called The Give Love Project (http://www.gloveproject.co.cc) helping to bring hope to broken young women and girls in the very areas (eating disorders, depression, anxiety) from which God set me free!

My life couldn’t be fuller – and every day I am amazed by how completely God has restored me, how He made me whole again and saved me from myself…words cannot even begin to explain!!! Maybe the closest that do so would be these;

“Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me!

I once was lost, but now am found was blind, but now I see”

Ministering to the precious women and girls I work with is a daily pleasure and honor, but if you had told me, 10 years ago, that I’d be here today, I know that I definitely would not have believed it.

But today, I bring you good news; I want to let you know that you are not alone!

The enemy has NO power or rights over you. If you are in relationship with Christ, then you belong to Him and healing truly can be yours. If you’ve never considered asking Jesus to come into your life and be your Lord and Saviour, can I ask you to consider making the best decision you’ll ever make and do so along with me now? Simply repeat this prayer out loud;

‘Lord, I ask you to forgive me of my sins. I never knew how much my choices were hurting you. Would you please come into my life and save me from myself? Would you wash me clean with your blood and fill me with your love? I believe that you are the Son of God and that you died for me and rose again to take away all my sins. I believe you have authority over every sickness, illness and disease and over every difficult life circumstance. Jesus, please become my Lord and Saviour. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.’

Precious sister, if you said that prayer, we believe you are now born again! Let us know if you chose to make this decision, so that we can send a few helpful resources your way. This
marks the first day of your new birth and the beginning of an extraordinary walk with God!

For those of you who already have a relationship with Jesus, perhaps it’s a time for renewal or for you to examine if there are any areas in your life that you have been withholding from Him, that may require His healing touch or restoration? Ladies, there’s no time like the present! Don’t waste another single moment doubting yourself or allowing fear, guilt or shame to rob you from His peace. Jesus did not come to condemn us, but to give us abundant life! (John 10:10) Make a choice to take the time to resolve any areas that this story may have stirred up in your own heart.

And if this story does not apply directly to you, do you have a friend, sister or colleague who could do with this encouragement today? Please don’t wait – forward this blog post to anyone who may benefit so that they too, can be blessed.

Thank you so much for taking the time to stick with this and read to the end of my story. I pray that your joy in Christ was renewed and you recalled the many precious times He came to your rescue.

Remember, no matter what the enemy tries to bring your way today;

You are precious in His sight! (Isaiah 43: 4)

Much Love & Peace to you,

Anna Marie

Your sister in the battle.

April 13, 2012 at 2:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement, Life's Lessons From God Series | Comments (0)

Life’s Lessons from God: Made for Relationship

Today I am pleased to introduce you to my friend Christy Schmidt. Christy and I met in a women’s prayer group a little less than a year ago and became fast friends. I pray her story will encourage you to to reach out in times of crisis as well…

Christy and her three children

1. Tell me a bit about yourself. Include things about your family, what you do with your days/time, and any titles or associations you are a part of.

I am a 42 year-old wife, mother, daughter, sister & friend. I have a supportive, sweet & compassionate husband of 11 years. We have three amazing children in Kindergarten, 2^nd and 4^th grade. My husband started working from home last fall, which has been a rewarding & interesting adjustment.

Life at home for our family is comfortable and non-stop. All three of our children are active in sports year-round. My husband and I both have good relationships with our families and enjoy spending time with them. I am a stay-at-home mom, sort of, for now.

I was raised as a Catholic, but in 2007 we decided to begin attending a non-denominational Christian church. Our church refers to the Bible as homebase. It’s a welcoming, relevant, contemporary, healthy church and I love it. I’ve always known who Jesus was, but now I know Him personally. My faith has grown quite a bit within the past five years, but immensely over the past couple of weeks.

2. If there was one thing you wanted other women to know about God, what would it be?

God is so big and he loves you. His mercies are new every day. He never tires of hearing your prayers and loves when you spend time with Him by praying, reading scripture, serving others, attending a safe & healthy church and by loving all. He answers all of our prayers, even when they are not in our own time or in the way we want them to be answered.

3. Why do you want them to know this? What life experience led you to know this?

Recently, I had my yearly mammogram screening. I received a call that afternoon saying that I needed a diagnostic mammogram and possible biopsy because they saw calcifications in my breast tissue. “Calcifications are usually benign,” said the nurse, “but they can be early signs of breast cancer.”

I had a diagnostic mammogram done on that Friday and they concluded that the calcifications on one side were suspicious of malignancy and therefor I needed to have a stereotactic biopsy the following week. The technician was cold and somewhat unpleasant. I just didn’t have a good feeling about her. After my diagnostic mammogram had ended, the technician informed me that women with small breasts sometimes need to undergo surgical biopsies because they can’t obtain enough breast tissue to get an accurate determination. My confidence went out the door.

Bright and early the next Tuesday morning I made my way to the Breast Health Center. While sitting in the waiting room I had a strong urge to run out of there. Not because I was scared or not wanting to get to the bottom of things, but because I did not have confidence in the medical center nor did I trust the technician who had taken the mammogram the week before; and the same technician that would be assisting the radiologist with my biopsy. It was just a gut feeling – I think it was the Holy Spirit nudging me to go someplace else.
I wish I had listened.

First an ultrasound, then into the stereotactic room; If you’ve never had one, I hope you never have to. And if you have, I’m sorry. It was not painful, but it was extremely awkward. (Stereotactic biopsy is when you have to lie on a table on your stomach, your breast through a hole and then in compression. They use a mammogram to see the suspicious area, numb you and then insert a needle to extract the tissue. Then, they take the sample down the hall to view it under mammography to make sure they got what they needed. Once completed, they insert titanium to mark the spot from which they took the sample for future reference). They had told me that I would be on the table only 30 minutes. One hour and fifteen minutes later I climbed off the contraption they held me in. I was exhausted.

After the procedure, they told me they did not obtain the tissue with the calcifications, so their efforts were futile. It’s as if the whole thing didn’t happen.

The radiologist contacted me two days later to confirm that the biopsy was inconclusive and that he wanted me to see a breast surgeon. Finally, I listed to my gut and I called the top medical center in our city. I had an appointment with the breast surgeon the following week.

I was confused, exhausted and not so sure about what was happening in my body. Although I was at peace about it all along, I couldn’t deny the fact that I may have early stages of breast cancer. My mom is a breast cancer survivor of ten years, but this brought back so many memories of her fight. Up until this point, I had been somewhat private about sharing this burden. I told only a few close friends, but didn’t tell my mom or my sister. I didn’t want them to worry. I knew they would because I lost my other sister to a rare cancer, which originated in her uterus 6 years ago; and my dad is currently fighting/learning to live with esophageal and liver cancer.

I prayed and I cried and I prayed and I cried. Finally, I reached out to my mom, and to friends and one of our pastors. Up until that week I had held everything inside, only sharing with my husband and a couple of very close friends. I am so glad I trusted my faithful friends with this burden. That Sunday, the team with whom I volunteer at my amazing church laid their hands upon me and prayed over me for healing and peace. It was a holy and moving moment for me as well as for my friends. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. Honestly, at first I was a little apprehensive, but knew in my heart that I needed them to do this with me. It’s a moment in my life I will never forget.

Once I opened up to the people I volunteer with, my family & my other friends, I felt so much better. I knew I didn’t need to face these giants alone. More importantly, I knew God was with me. God puts specific friends & family, sometimes even strangers, in our lives for a specific reason. We are made for relationships. We are not meant to do this alone.

Throughout that week, I prayed for signs from the Holy Spirit so that I would have peace. One evening, I opened Facebook to read a friend’s posting:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

This is a friend who is a breast cancer survivor. I am convinced that it was the sign I was pryaing for.

The following Tuesday I met with the breast surgeon. A warm, sweet and caring woman. She examined me and looked very closely at my films and the pathology reports from the previous, unsuccessful biopsy. She consulted with her radiologist and they both agreed that surgery would not be necessary. Her “rockstar” radiologist was confident that she could get to the spot she needed to by performing another stereotactic biopsy in the office the following Tuesday. I was happy that I didn’t have to undergo a surgicalprocedure and I had full confidence in what they were telling me. I knew I was in good hands.

The week in between was peaceful. I spent much time inreflection (amidst the chaos of spring break & sporting events) and prayer. I tried not to focus on what was or was not going on inside of my body. I decided that God is in control and I can only change my attitude, not the outcome. I tried to see the good in all of this and often wondered what it was I was supposed to walk away with because of this going on in my life.

Another Tuesday morning, another breast biopsy. Or so I thought.

I arrived bright and early once again. Into the pretty pink gown I went. I was greeted by the sweetest technician on earth. She was an angel. She was comforting, funny and calm all at the same time. Once prepped and in position for the biopsy, they realized that they could not see the calcifications. The radiologist suggested that we go next door to have more mammograms taken and magnified. They must have taken about 15 more views of my poor little breast. All the while I heard the radiologist, the fellow, the resident, and the technician talking softly, saying things like “I don’t see them” and “perhaps they are in the skin”. I tried not to listed. I just held my breath and prayed. Finally, after about 30 minutes of mammograms, the wonderful radiologist was able to determine that in fact, they were in the skin and absolutely nothing to worry about. She came out from the shield after the last picture had been taken and gave me a huge hug. I cried. She smiled. The sweet technician patted me on the back. It was a great moment in time. One that they may not get to experience all too often with all of the patients they see daily.

I was touched by God himself. He had moved into my life and I had expereinced a thin spot with Him. I could feel Him near me throughout this entire experience. I know prayer works. Maybe not as fast as we want it to or maybe not even in the way we expect it to. But it works. In this case, it worked just as I had prayed and hoped. Next time, it may not. I can tell you this, though…even in our darkest hour, God is with us. When we cry, God is crying with us. When we rejoice, God rejoices with us.

4. What Bible verse or story speaks most closely the truth about your experience? Why did you choose this story/verse?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in
all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfortwe ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Both of these verses were so powerful to me. I knew I could not control any of this, so I tried to let it go and rest in the arms of Jesus and in the comfort of my family and friends. Sometimes, when I was so filled with anxiety, all I could do was read these scripture passages over and over again. It helped to get me through the storm.

5. What would you say to another woman who is going through a similar experience to what you write about in question 3?

In any struggle, reach out to people you trust – your pastor, a family member, a friend at church. Don’t do this alone – whether it’s a financial, health, marital, or family struggle. Pray about it like you have never prayed before. Ask friends and family to pray for you. Pray out loud and pray big, bold, specific prayers.

Be an active participant in your life. If it’s a health issue – choose your doctor carefully. Do your homework anddon’t be afraid to get a second (or third) opinion. Seek the best medical attention you have in your area. Don’t give up.

Most of all – be still long enough so that you can hear God whisper in your ear that He loves you and that the Holy Spirit will guide you. And no matter what the struggle, life still goes on. You still have people in your life and obligations that need your attention. Don’t let those go by the wayside, especially the relationships. Don’t get so caught up in your own life that you forget to love and forget to let others love you.

April 6, 2012 at 2:00 am | Life's Lessons From God Series | Comments (0)

Standing at a Crossroads

This is what the LORD says:

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’ Jeremiah 6:16

I have found myself longing for rest lately. Not sleep, not a break from the everyday grind, but rest for my soul.

I am at a new crossroads I think.

I have been here before. This place where what I have been doing no longer fills my soul with peace. This place where I find myself asking God to direct my path, asking Him where the good way is–the way that will lead me deeper in His peace and give my weary soul some rest. He has been faithful to answer and yet I find myself, like the Israelites Jeremiah was prophesying to, not wanting to walk in it.

I have no idea why, really. It does not make any sense whatsoever to me. Logically, it completely makes sense to follow His peace: who wants to live with the stress of a weary soul?

But emotionally…well that’s been a different story for me. That’s were fear of disappointing comes in, as well as fear of failure to meet expectations, and fear of being found to not be enough and fear of failing. My emotions have been satan’s playground of late…

Paul was right when he said “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12) and I have been found without my Armor.

So today I stand at a crossroads: Will I choose to follow “the good way” of God, or will I choose to follow satan’s emotionally draining path? On paper, the answer is easy. God’s way of course. In actuality, I believe making the day-to-day decisions that will keep me on His path will be much more difficult. It will take much more than a choice; it will take a focus I have not been able to have lately.

I am going to be quiet for a while as I focus on allowing God to lead me in this new season of life I seem to be entering. There are some things I know I must do. When God leads me to, I will surface and share, but in between know I am diving deep into what it means to live to do my Father’s will. I am praying that what He teaches me He will help me share with you as well.

Our Life’s Lessons from God series will continue with regular posts. This Friday you will get to meet a sweet new friend of mine. If you want to sahre your story, I would love to hear it! Here’s a link with all the details: Life’s Lessons From God details

One thing I humbly, almost embarrassingly, ask: Will you pray for me? Pray I beat back the fears of satan. Pray I do our Father’s will. Pray I stay the course of the “good way” and walk in it confidently assured that He who called me to walk in it will be with me every step of the way. Pray I will be able to share good things with you that God will use to encourage you to choose the good way in your own time of standing as the crossroads.

As always, I will be praying for you…even in this time of quiet.

Stephanie

April 2, 2012 at 2:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement | Comments (0)

Life’s Lessons from God: Pt 2 of Strength in Doing Nothing

Last Friday I introduced you to Mary. Today her story continues…

Steven after his first surgery April 24, 2008

It was this point in Steven’s illness that I want to share with you all. There was nothing more I could do for my son. Nothing. I couldn’t fix this, and I was used to being able to fix everything. I had become the image of the strength that I was raised with from my mother, my aunts, Marge, and Carolyn across the street: I was all those tough broads rolled into one. But, none of that mattered. I had to give it
all up to God. I did that, symbolically, at the Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows. We are Catholic, and I was at a healing mass there and you could leave a picture of your loved one there on a wall for prayers. I pinned Steven’s picture up and that was when I realized that everything was beyond me and what I could do. I could pray and believe that God’s will would be done as it should be, which might mean losing my son, but I realized had to believe in what He wanted. That day, I left my son in God’s hands.

On the day that Steven saw Dr. Jallo, we were told his tumor was largest tumor Dr. Jallo had seen, not only in length but also in diameter,
but that it could be removed. We were left with an assured yet uneasy feeling that he would be okay. We drove back for Steven’s surgery two weeks later. On the drive I watched him texting his friends knowing he would probably never do that again. I watched him eating and laughing and moving around, believing it might be the last time he would ever do this. The morning of his surgery, I watched him walk into the prep room and I thought it would be the last time I saw him walk as I knew him to be. During the surgery I clung to the belief that God was going make things the way they had to be, that He would keep all things in His will. We waited anxiously during the six hours of surgery. Finally, Dr. Jallo came out and said, “The tumor is gone and he is fine!” Then they were wheeling Steven out and Dr. Jallo said, “Raise your arms and raise your legs.” When Steven did, we all cried, including Steven. None of us believed it was real. We had waited for almost a year for that day, and finally it was all over. I don’t think anything in my life was or ever will be that emotionally
moving.

Steven and Dr. Jallo in 2010

Recovery was difficult, but nothing kept Steven down. He weaned off all his pain meds and worked out every day. A few months later he saw Dr. Jallo again, and each time he went for an update, Dr. Jallo was more and more amazed at Stephen’s progress. Later that year, just after Steven graduated from high school he had another surgery to fuse his neck. Because his tumor was so large and because of the radiation, Steven’s vertebrae could not support his head any longer. Steven is very much a miracle.

Just last fall (2011) Dr. Jallo shared with us that while he knew he could get Steven’s tumor out, he never thought he’d recover because
he was in such bad shape. We had no idea. But, we did have faith.

On April 24, 2012, after another surgery and a total of four years, Steven has become a tumor-free, healthy, happy twenty-one year old who can do just about everything anyone else can. He is not the same Steven he was four years ago. None of us are the same. I believe we are soooo much better. I do not mean to insinuate that I would want my child to suffer then or now, but I am glad that we came out on the other side much wiser and happier. I found strength I never knew I had, because my strength doesn’t come from me.
But, most importantly, I found out that I am not in control of anything. God hears our prayers, and in this instance I do think prayers made a significant change in what could have happened to Steven. I know Steven is a miracle. All my kids know that their prayers changed what could have been his life or death. I never felt so safe and peaceful as when we had so many people praying for us. There isn’t one day, if not several times a day, that I don’t look at Steven and thank God he is here and know God let us keep him.

Steven and Dr. Jallo in 2011

You would think we would all be happy now. In most ways we are. We don’t worry about a messy house or if things aren’t perfect.
We try to always be together and just enjoy one another. We are very silly people and laugh throughout most of the days. But, living through a traumatic event has affected me. I’m very introspective and I do have times of depression. Many times during Steven’s illness there just wasn’t time to “feel” what I needed to feel. There is significant mourning for who we were and who we thought we would become. Steven had big plans for his GPA in high school but he spent two years sick and in surgeries. We lost all of our savings and we lost many parts of ourselves, some good and bad…very little to keep our son. We do know that the material things just don’t matter. It has been difficult to let go of our dreams, but I am finding enjoyment in living with the gift that God gave to all of us who were involved instead.

So now, most days, I wake up early, throw on some sweats and clean all the bathrooms from our four sons that are here now. I make the beds, I homeschool the younger two, I cook dinner, we say our prayers, and sometimes I get a shower. But, as I do all these chores, I can say with a smile and a wink that at age forty-six, because of God’s Grace, I know EXACTLY who I am now. I am a mom.

Thank you for taking the time to read MY story. We all have many stories and they are all so important to us and to many others. I
hope, somehow, that my story helps you.

Truly, Mary

Please watch Steven’s video with Dr. Jallo at

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/neurology_neurosurgery/news/objects/jallo_spinal_cord_tumor.html

OR google Steven McDonough and Dr. George Jallo.

Steven’s CORD Foundaton is the Missouri Chapter of CORD Foundation, a 501 c 3, nonprofit organization. www.stevenscordfoundation.com or www.cordfoundation.org

Donations may be sent to:

Steven McDonough, Steven’s CORD Foundation, P.O. Box 422 Cottleville, MO 63338

March 30, 2012 at 2:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement, Life's Lessons From God Series | Comments (0)

The Power of Peace

Some thoughts on peace…

Peace is a stillness of mind–a conscious placing of worries in the safe arms of Jesus while continuing to move forward conquering the fears and doubts that God allows to come into my life.

Peace is NOT giving in or wimpy relinquishing of all things in our lives that cause stress. It’s the willful determination to believe that whatever comes our way is a part of God’s bigger plan and that He will work all things for our good in His timing.

When Jesus said “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”John 14:26-28 could he have meant he doesn’t give peace like to world gives peace? That His peace is not a giving up or a giving in? He tells us not to be afraid because he has given us His peace. Could it be that in His peace is power beyond our wildest dreams to thrive in this world despite it’s trials?

Peace can come in the middle of chaos when we have faith that God will walk us through the chaos and take us safely to the other side.

“Peace is not placidity; peace is the power to endure the megatron of pain with joy; the silent thunder of release,, the ordering of Love. Peace is the atom’s start, the primal image: God within the heart.” Madeline L’Engle

“Unceasing prayer has a way of speaking peace to the chaos. OUr fractured and fragmented activities begin focusing around a new Center of Reference. We experience peace, stillness, serenity, firmness of life orientation. ” Richard J Foster.

“Calm me O Lord as you stilled the storm,

Still me O Lord, keep me from harm.

Let all the tumult within me cease,

Enfold me, Lord, in your peace.” Celtic Traditional

¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever. Psalm 23

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

March 28, 2012 at 2:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement | Comments (0)

The Most Impotant Relationship You’ll Ever Have

How many relationships do you have in your life? Are you a sister, mother, daughter, friend, wife, teacher, ministry leader, pastor, employee, boss…? The list can go on can’t it? All the roles we play involve relationship with at least one other person. The question is: How are those relationships working out? If you have any relationships like I do, there are some areas where there is some stress.

Last Monday (see Post here) as I talked about the importance of developing a relationship with Jesus, I mentioned I would comment further on why this relationship is so important. So, today I want to share with you how the way we develop a relationship with Jesus is the blueprint (or landscaping plans, for you Cultivating Peace gals) for ALL the other relationships we have in our lives.

As I mentioned in the post, developing a relationship with Jesus means we have to commit time in our busy lives to talk AND listen to Him. The same is true in all our other relationships as well. We have to be willing to take the time to share who we are and what we think as well as listen to other’s ideas and thoughts. Sometimes I think we forget one or the other and when we do relationships get out of balance. When they get out of balance is when the trouble can begin.

However, HOW we talk and listen can have just as great an effect as whether we talk or listen.

When you talk about yourself, do you speak truth about who you really are? Do you admit your faults? Are you willing to be vulnerable? When you talk to the other person in the relationship are you encouraging, or do you belittle? Do you speak truth to them, or lie in order to spare their feelings?

When you listen to someone else, is it with an open mind? Do you engage in active listening or simply check in once in a while? Do you hear them when they are trying to encourage or speak truth to you, or do you only listen for what you want to hear?

Why are all these questions important to think about? Well, first think about them in the context of a relationship with Jesus. How would you answer them if you were talking/listening to Him? Now, think about how you would answer them with another person in your life. Are there any differences? Why?

For me, I used to answer them differently because I was afraid of being hurt (again), or gossiped about, or not liked (in the case of speaking a truth that might hurt). I didn’t want to listen either because if I wasn’t “good enough” (ie someone spoke a truth that might hurt me) I would panic and become afraid. Fear was a big factor in my relationships. The trouble is that Jesus tells us not to be afraid:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:26-28

What about you? Are you holding back because you are afraid as well of getting hurt?

When we develop a relationship with Jesus first, and learn to rest in the fact that we do not have to be afraid of anything we are when we are with Him, we are better able to leave behind our fears as we develop relationships with those in our lives. When we can do that, we are better able to love those around us like Jesus loves us: through forgiveness, without condemnation, and without fear. When we can do that we experience true freedom in relationships which allows for healing within ourselves and, therefore in the relationship as well.

Do you have a relationship that is hurting right now? Let’s put that relationship in the same context we used for developing a relationship with Jesus.

Do you spend time with that person regularly? If yes, continue to number 2. If not, barring distance (although there are phones these days…) what is causing the distance? Is there a hurt you need to forgive? Is there a boundary you need to set? Is there a fear you need to examine? Take this relationship to Jesus and ask Him to help you work through the kinks here so that you are able to begin to resume meeting regularly with that person.
When you spend time with that person, do you share who you are? If yes, go on to number 3. If not, what’s holding you back? Is it fear? Is it anger? Whatever it is that holds you back, spend time with Jesus asking for healing in this area as well as wisdom as to how (and possibly if) to continue in the relationship.
When you listen to this person, is it actively engaged, encouraging and truthful when necessary? If yes, go on to number 4. If not, why is that difficult for you? Is there some forgiveness that needs to be addressed? Are you bitter or angry about something? Do you not have enough time to really pay attention? Is your mind focused on you, or other things in your life? Think about this one like this: Active listening goes a long way to making others feel respected and loved. When they feel respected and loved they are able to offer the same back. While it is true that you need the same treatment, the cycle has to start somewhere. Why not with you? Spend time with Jesus here unravelling what’s going on, and ask Him for the strength to make a start.
When we get here, we are able to move in this relationship as Jesus would: offering forgiveness, loving them through their trials, listening to their hurts and hang-ups, talking to them honestly. In some ways, the relationship as it was before may be completely changed into something new because we have set appropriate boundaries. Overall, the relationship is mutually beneficial.

When we spend time developing a relationship with Jesus first we learn how to develop healthy relationships with those around us. Can you see now why committing to spend time developing a relationship with Jesus is THE most important, productive, peace-producing thing you can do for every other relationship in your life?

I hope so.

I am praying for you!

Stephanie

March 26, 2012 at 2:00 am | Daily Cup of Encouragement | Comments (0)

Life’s Lessons From God: Strength in Doing Nothing

Today let me introduce you to Mary McDonough. Mary is a neighbor of mine and a fellow homeschooling mom. Her two-part story is an incredible testimony to the power of God in our lives when we come to the end of what we can do in our own strength. I pray it will encourage and inspire you!

It’s a Tuesday night in March 2012 as we lay in bed with our windows open enjoying the 70 degree weather. The last thing we all expected in March is this fantastic spring weather. We should be enjoying one last sleigh ride or a snowball fight, but God has different plans as He does so often in our lives. So many days we wake up with our plan for the day, and how often are we surprised to find our day to be othing as we had planned, even to the point of exhaustion and discouragement. But sometimes, if we persevere, we find something wonderful in what we least expect.

I am a mom. We have five boys ages 11 to 23. I first became a mother at age twenty-three, but I don’t think I could call myself a real other until about ten years ago. The day that began my transformation came as a huge surprise. I remember it was a Friday in June, 2007. I had taken my son Steven who was just about to turn seventeen, (the third of our five sons) to see our family doctor for his regular check-up. My son’s doctor also happens to be a very dear family friend (my mother taught him as a kindergartener) and he is also Sam’s Godfather. It was a normal, regular visit.

Steven's Tumor (Darkened portion)

After the examination he sent the kids out of the room. He had never done that before. When he came back he couldn’t look me in the eyes. I knew something was wrong. He proceeded to inform me that Steven’s MRI had come back with an anomaly. A huge anomaly. Steven had what appeared to be a growth from the base of his brain, his C1, to his T2 in his spinal cord, which is between the shoulder blades. Our doctor told me that more tests were needed, but that things “weren’t good at all” for Steven. I remember crying on the way home with all the boys in their car seats in the car and trying to hide my tears.

Life as we knew it would never be the same.

We made trips around the country, seeing many specialists, neurosurgeons, etc. At the time, 2007, there was very little information on spinal cord tumors. Steven was biopsied that August and was diagnosed with a massive tramedullary spinal cord ependymoma. His spinal cord and tumor had grown to be one. We were told numerous times, by numerous experts that it would have to be removed and he would be left paralyzed and ventilated. That was not an option for me or for Steven. We decided to forgo any surgery.

All my time was spent caring for Steven as his health was deteriorating quickly. He was on high doses of steroids which take a huge toll on your body, and the tumor was still growing, causing him additional pain. One of the doctors here in St. Louis came up with the idea to radiate his tumor. It was noninvasive and seemed to be the answer we were praying for. In my mind, I thought it would shrink the tumor and all would be well. I knew God would take care of Steven.

Soon after this decision we began a foundation for spinal cord tumors with another family in Kentucky and raised money for research. Steven’s CORD Foundation is the Missouri chapter of CORD Foundation. I didn’t want anyone to be as lost as I was in a time of crisis without someone or someplace that had answers.

Time passed, and Steven was getting worse. It was October, 2007, when he was radiated. The radiation did nothing. By Thanksgiving, Steven was dying. He and I would talk, and I told him he did not have to have the surgery….he could choose to just not wake up one day. Yes. We were at that point.

Yet, I was still unwilling to give up hope for a cure. From my research, I knew the pioneer neurosurgeon for this type of tumor was Dr. Fred Epstein in New York, who was deceased. But, as I reviewed all the research again, I found an additional name along with his: Dr. George Jallo. This was a surprise to me since Dr. George Jallo happens to be who our foundation money goes to because he was the main neurosurgeon for the child we partnered with for the foundation. Dr. Jallo does about 40% of these tumor removals and had trained under Dr. Epstein. I asked my foundation friend if she thought Dr. Jallo would see Steven and she suggested I just email him. Within fifteen minutes he answered saying he would be happy to see Steven. While I was glad to have this new path, I still never expected the prognosis to be any different from what we had heard here.

During this time, so many wonderful things happened. I sincerely remember every single thing that people did for us. The boys at DeSmet (the Catholic High School Steven attended) raised $25,000 for the foundation. People we had never met reached out to us to help us. The DeSmet parents were at our beck and call. Steven’s friends were always here to keep him going. Our friends did everything they could to help us with all the kids and the foundation. I genuinely depended on each and every person I mass emailed every day to pray for Steven and for a miracle. My three youngest boys became prayer warriors. Until this point I remember our prayer was that God would please have Steven’s tumor shrink….and then, one day I remember telling the kids that we were changing our prayers. We needed a miracle.

Sorry…but TO BE CONTINUED next Friday!

I am praying for you!

Stephanie